Some help please
So I need some input with Johnathan. He is a wonderful, sweet kid BUT he is so whiny and he cries all the time. I am not sure what to do. He got upset at least 5 times tonight during basketball practice. He is that kid-- the one that cries all the time and no one wants to play with him.
Now this is not new-He came out crying and he has not stopped. I am beginning to wonder what I have done as a mom to cause this behavior. He gets easily frustrated if he can't do something. He whines when he ask for something.
Some moms with older children keep telling me it will get better--- OK when?
I could go on and on about this and give you multiple examples but I would then bore you and I know that you are here to see pictures of the kids.
But I need some helpful suggestions.
Thanks
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
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10 comments:
It will probably get better but I know you want some instant help now. Sorry, I don't have it to give, but just a couple of things come to mind--be proud that he is so sensitive and caring. That is a good thing and when he gets older that will not be his main focus. On the other hand, you are trying to cope now so what about having a reward chart or something like that--they work for some people but never for me. When you were little it meant being consistent and that was hard for me. So there you go, I am not much help. I know I was blessed with two wonderful daughters so I am not the one to ask for advice. Johnathan is so sweet, so kind and so caring --- that is what makes him so precious--it won't last forever because he will get with others who will badger him for all these wonderful characterics then he will change and have to stick up for himself--that is called growing up and it can be so painful. I wish he never had to deal with it, but somewhere along he will and that is what will be so hard. It is your and Josh's job to help him to grow up feeling safe and secure so he can choose the right direction. Sorry you get the hard stuff but that just comes with territory of parenting. Just love and hold on to him and I hopefully he will grow out of this stage. He is such a special little guy, but after all, I am just his loving adoring grandmother so I really can't offer any logical advice.
Wrap yourself in love and hold on tight--it is a daily journey.
I love you all so much,
MIMI
First of all-don't blame yourself. Like your mom said, this is the sensitive part of him that is a gift. Every child comes with personality traits that have to be cultivated and directed to be positive. I am no parenting expert, but here are some of my thoughts...
The whining--don't listen to him when he is whining. Tell him you won't respond to him until he can communicate what he is feeling without whining. He has probably learned that whining gets his way faster, so teach him otherwise. I can't stand whining, so when kids whine when I'm taking care of them, I say I can't understand them and then direct them to the right words/tone to use. I do this a lot with some kids that have trouble asking. They tend to demand, "I want...Give me...." so I just tell them "I'm glad you want... but you won't get it until you ask, May I please have..." It's a little different scenario, but I use it with whining too, so you get the gist.
As for the crying a lot, he is at an age that you can reason with him a bit more and delve deeper into his heart. Is he feeling like a failure? Left out? Crying is a coping mechanism for children,so find out what he is coping with, insecurity? perfectionism? When you seek to understand and train his heart instead of his behavior, then you will continue to encourage his sensitivity, but at the same time help him learn to cope with difficult situations.
Again I'm no expert, so take this merely as my opinion. The best advice I can give though...ask the Lord for wisdom and insight to understand him and what he needs. He'll let you in on what is going on and how to handle it. I'll be praying for you!
WoW!! That sounded as if you were describing Kathryn yesterday! Some days seem to be like that more than others. It's weird because she is nearly five and often acts less mature about things than her three year old sister. She does have a problem with perfection, which Adam thinks I have partly brought on by high expectations. I am not sure if I expect more out of her, being the older one. Or, if it's just her personality, like mine to strive for perfection. Emily is more like Adam and is okay with whatever.
Well, when you figure it all out, let me know!
Oh how I wish I had some advice for you! Carlee Scott just throws tantrums and hasn't started the whining phase yet. I will be praying for you!
Wow, I will have to say I agree with your Mom and Kristy C. Before I even read their comments I thought, wow I wish Keagan was as kind and caring and remorseful as I see Johnathan being sometimes. He has some wonderful traits about him including all of the above and then some. I know the whining is frustrating just be glad it's not the talking back and disrespect that I'm getting from Keagan. I still agree with Kristy's advice. Don't acknowledge it. Stop him and say I can't do what you want or help until you ask in a big boy voice. I have asked him to do that here before and it worked. I also do that with Keagan sometimes if he starts whining and it usually works. Seriously though be thankful that he is so sensitive but try stopping him as he whines and let him know you can't do anything or reply to him until he does better at talking in a normal 5 y/o voice. Good luck friend!! I'm just as frustrated with Keagan and his horrible attitude as you are with Johnathan's whining....I understand what you are going though I'll be praying for you and your patience with him!!!!
laura,
i have so enjoyed reading your updates - it makes me feel as if i know your sweet life and family as well as i know you. i have no doubts that you are a wonderful mom--you were always so good to and with my girls. looking from the outside...maybe it is just that johnathon has missed his dad so much and needed his attention. i can tell you have done all you could to fill this void and josh has certainly been where he needed to be. bowever, maybe just some good daddy time will help with this issue. (of course I know so much about little boys!!!) but i love you dearly and you will always be special to us....much love pat gibson
Ok - I totally get your frustration. Liam seems to go that direction so many times and I am like - why - why - what has made you so upset - the toothpaste on the floor - what? All I am doing is just what others have said is that when he does it - tell him you would love to listen to him and you are interested in what he wants to say, but Adult ears do not understand little boy whines, so you are helpless unless he uses the beautiful normal voice God gave him. The sensitivity is so sweet and I do hope he finds his balance so his future wife thanks you later!!!! On another note, Mike one time solved Liam's problem like this at the dinner table one night by taking Liam by the face and wiping it with his hands. He then gave the "pretend" whine to Liam and told him to go throw it under his bed so that it would be gone forever. It actually worked - the boy came back to the table a different kid - I will tell you that it does not always work, but what does. I also have a friend that has a friend that has "Whine Juice" in her kitchen. It is vinegar and water and it is in a little squirt bottle. When her girls wine - they get one squirt. I am not sure how I feel about that one - but she swears by it. I have not tried. :) The great thing is that the Lord hears your frustration and I know you and Josh will find answers in Him as well as all of our own psychological antics. Have a good day!! Oh - you could always have your own treasure box for no whining - things he likes or things he likes to do and he earns it - anyways - have a good night!
Melanie
He sounds like such a sweet little boy, that breaks my heart to think that other kids make fun of him. Only having a 15 month old, I don't know that I have a whole lot of advice to give. I agree with mimi when she said that it is up to you and Josh to make sure he grows up feeling safe and secure so he can choose the right direction and make good choices. I also like Kristy's idea of telling him you won't respond to him until he can communicate what he is feeling without whining.
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